Are you worried about your child's misbehaviour? Why do some children misbehave? What can you do to prevent the development of unaceptable behaviour... For you to succeed it is essential that... You do not need to worry if... Remember... When should you ask for help from outside sources? You should worry about your child if... What steps should you take if you are worried... Where can you get help? Why do some children misbehave? Children are not born socialized, they learn to obey. They learn to respect other people's rights. They learn to co-operate. This learning takes place: When they have a close, warm and confiding relationship with caring adults (parents, grandparents, etc.) When children know what behaviour is acceptable. When acceptable behaviour is consistently approved and rewarded When unacceptable behaviour is consistently disapproved. When children take part in educational and recreational activities.	Need to read PDF files? Get Adobe Acrobat Reader

You do not need to worry ... If your child occasionally refuses to comply and is defiant. If misbehaviour happens only occasionally in home or in school. If your child confides in you and does not steal, tell lies, hit other children, but on occasion, when disciplined, gets angry at you. If misbehaviour follows a traumatic event such as a death in the family, and continues for less than six months. You should worry about your child's misbehaviour ... If your child is consistently defiant, and refuses to comply and you feel helpless If there are frequent complaints from the school about your child's behaviour. If your child is indulging in stealing, lying and hitting siblings and other children in spite of your efforts to stop the behaviour. If your child insists on playing with matches and has set fires. If the school indicates your child's behaviour is seriously affecting academic performance If your child spends a great deal of time with friends who exhibit unacceptable behaviours. If unacceptable behaviours continue for more than six months. What can you do to prevent the development of unacceptable behaviour in your child? Develop a close relationship with your child by encouraging your child to confide in you. Be a good listener Do not lecture. It seldom helps. Do not be too judgmental. Children are happy when they know what is acceptable and what is not. Set clear limits for your child and make sure your child understands them. Notice and praise your child when your child does the right thing. Know where your child is at all times. Know your child's friends. Expect that your child will have some difficulties adjusting to changes such as your divorce or remarriage, or the death of a pet. Be extra supportive at these times Remember.. Each child is unique. Children differ in temperament. Some are easy to socialize. Others require more patience and greater effort. Your child's behaviour is affected by bow you feel. All changes in the family situation affect your child's behaviour. What steps should you take if you are worried about your child's behaviour? Identify the behaviours that you are the most worried about. Make sure others in the family share your concern. Set up consequences for the negative behaviours in consultation with your partner. These behaviours should be disapproved when displayed The loss of some privilege, such as not allowing your child to watch a favourite television program, can be used if clear disapproval does not work. Physical punishment is not the best way to discourage undesirable behaviour, and should be avoided Notice when your child is behaving well, and let your child know you approve by praising or giving a hug. For you to succeed, it is essential that: Other adults in the family (partner, grandparents, etc.) follow the same procedure. That the same behaviour is consistently rewarded or disciplined. When should you ask for help from outside? When, in spite of your best effort, your child continues to misbehave at home and school. When the misbehaviour is getting more serious (not only lying, but also stealing; not only, stealing from home, but also stealing from the community) When your child's misbehaviour is seriously affecting family life (affecting siblings and causing arguments between parents and other adults). When the school is threatening to suspend, or has suspended, your child for misbehaviour. When your child's academic performance is seriously affected as a result of misbehaviour. Where can you get help? Consult your family practitioner, who may refer you to a paediatrician or to a local children's mental-health centre. Call the local children's mental-health centre directly. For information about children's mental- health centres, contact your local community information centre. The community information centre for Metro Toronto (416-392-0505) can give you the number of the centre nearest you. This brochure was prepared by: Jalal Shamsie, MB, FRCP(C) Director, Institute for the study of Antisocial behaviour in Youth (IAY) Professor of Psychiatry, University of Toronto

For further information or additional copies, please contact: Institute for the study of Antisocial behaviour in Youth (lAY) 250 College Street Toronto, ON M5T 1R8 Tel.: (416) 979-4272; Fax: (416) 979-4996 Email: info@iay.org

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This page was last updated on Sunday, February 20, 2000 1:49 PM